I was raised a Romantic. I don't mean that I was raised to believe in love, though that is true too. I mean I grew up with views on humanity ― and God ― that were something like the views of the Romantic writers. In theory, at least, I adored humankind and nature and the universe; and I despised the traditional notion of God as an authoritarian ruler, a monarch.
This was always a little different from strict, rationalistic atheism. There was room in my worldview for mystery, even mysticism. In my family, paganism and humanism and Christian (or Jewish) mysticism and even a little self-worship were all welcome at the party. What I rejected was not God
per se, but the idea of a God who was separate from us. (In the lingo of religious scholars, God had to be
immanent rather than
transcendent.)Likewise, the Romantics never intended to take away all the world's mysteries and replace them with atoms and molecules. Rather, they were
rejecting the cold rationalism of Christians like Descartes, hoping to escape into a wilder,
more mystical space.
When I was fifteen, I worked for a long time on a play called
The Indictment of Yahweh, a retelling of the biblical story (Old and New Testaments) of man's fall and subsequent redemption. As the title suggests, the play was a frontal assault on traditional faith, a catalogue of God's crimes against man. How arrogant, to want men kept away from the Knowledge of Good and Evil! Or, if that knowledge must be kept from mankind, how unfair to put the apple tree there as temptation! How cruel, to wipe out the whole world in a Flood! And so on, and so on.
I never felt the play was finished: it was a huge task, to move through the whole Bible and turn every major story on its head (although as I look at it now, I think the script is finished enough to be performed as is). But it is worth noting that Jesus ―
God-as-Man ― was treated kindly in my story. (A touch of Gnosticism: Christ, the savior of mankind, is distinguished from the Demiurge who created the world.)
Also when I was fifteen, I wrote (co-wrote, with Jamie) a song called
The Ballad of the Man Who Loved; the title character in that song, a folk singer whose magic voice freed people from "virtue and sin," was pitted against a God who wanted to keep people chained down. Again, God was the villain; but it was not an irreligious or unspiritual song. Rather, I was trying to lay out the true religion, the highest spirituality, which revered the divine
in us and rejected any God that would smite or belittle us.
I was really preaching the same religion as Percy Shelley, but of course I had not read
Prometheus Unbound.Around the time when I went to college, I started to think a little differently. First, my philosophical views started developing. The main thing I had always rejected was a kind of
dualism: the separation of mind and body, of God and the universe. Now I realized, by this method you could go directly from atheism to pantheism.
Think about it: if everything in the world is blue, then
nothing is blue; in order to have colors, you need to have
differences. If there is only one color, it doesn't matter much whether you call it blue or red. Similarly, if you reject dualism ― if there's just one kind of
stuff that makes up the whole universe ― then it doesn't matter much whether you call it
matter or
God.
I started using the word
God more freely. I was still using it to refer to the
Great-Big-Everything, rather than a transcendent Ruler, but I was using the word in a positive sense now. I found that, when I came across the word
God in Christian writings, I could take them to mean the immanent Great-Big-Everything ― and it usually made sense.
To be continued...